“Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.”

David Pratt quotes

Long distance relationships have their pros and cons. It’s easier to “keep the romance alive” when you’re apart, but it requires a lot of effort and work and you have to be really good at communicating.

1. You must have good communication skills. Communication skills of the other than in-person type. You’ll be talking on the phone and writing a lot!

2. Communicate once a day at least. If you can’t afford phone calls, use email, instant message, even faxes.

3. Get together as often as you can. Regular intervals provide stability and build trust. Plan the next get-together before you part. It builds trust and continuity in the relationship. Don’t leave it up in the air whether you’ll be meeting again or not. Set the next date if possible, or have a regular meeting time – the first weekend of the month, for instance.

4. You must be willing to put extra effort into making it work. It can be amazingly hard with today’s busy lifestyles to make and keep even a phone date. (Mobile phones help a lot.) Travel can lose its charm after a while. Not being able to see each other every day means having to save important things you want to share, and allowing plenty of time for intimate conversation when you do talk or write.

5. If something’s bothering you, bring it up right away. Small concerns can grow into big problems if allowed to fester. It takes some skill to communicate LD but it can be done. Share your concerns, the trials of being apart, the difficulty in travel, etc. Just like you would if you were together – the concerns might be different, but there would still be some.

6. Talk about small daily things and keep your partner up-to-date. Since they can’t experience it or see it, explain it, talk about it. It’s especially important to share your lives this way – what you’re doing, where you ate lunch, the friends you’re seeing, what you’re doing at work. Email good articles you’ve read, share websites, books. Takes quizzes on line and share results. This brings immediacy to the relationship.

7. Suspicion and jealousy can become self-fulfilling prophecies, and if you’re prone to this, an LD affair is not for you. Assume and trust until given direct proof not to.

8. Meet in different places. Since you’re traveling anyway, you might as well add this to the mix. It can save you both time and money to meet somewhere in between. Trade off meeting at their place or yours. In that way, you’ll get to know more about each other’s lives.

9. Build toward the future and be optimistic. Talk about when you’ll be shortening the distance—make sure you both have the same goals in that respect. Strong relationships always build to the future. Some people choose long distance relationships because they permanently like “distance,” but they can work out, and we all know examples where they did!

10. Everybody likes surprise! Indulge. With the Internet, it’s easy to send gifts. Snail mail cards, send e-cards, mail a book, flowers, candles. Keep your presence in front of the other person, and let them feel that you’re thinking of them in as many ways as you can.

(c)Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach . I offer coaching, distance learning and ebooks around emotional intelligence for you to enhance your career, relationships, resilience, and personal and professional development. It’s like the icing on the cake. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine. For daily EQ Tips, send a blank email to EQ4U-subscribe@yahoogroups.com . Want to become a certified emotional intelligence coach? www.eqcoach.net.

“Reprinted from Zongoo.com Daily Press & Consumer Information“

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1. Touch Women are very tactile beings. They love to be touched and caressed. Hold her, massage her, tease and tantalize her playfully with your fingers. Don’t go straight to the genitals, pay attention to her whole body.

2. Kisses Deep passionate kisses are one of the biggest turn ons for a woman. Looking into her eyes or touching her face while kissing her can increase the arousal of the kiss. Kissing other parts of the body such as the neck, belly, inner thighs, buttocks, pelvis area surrounding the vagina, fingers and maybe even the feet for some can heighten her pleasure.

3. Emotional Connection For women, sex is usually an emotional act as well as a physical act. The deeper the emotional connection, the better the sex will be for her and the deeper her desire for her lover will become. Share your feelings with your woman and express how you feel about her freely. For her, what goes on outside the bedroom is an important factor of what will occur in the bedroom.

4. Foreplay & Aferplay There is nothing that is a bigger turn off for a woman than a lover who immediately begins penetration without tending to her body and mind. Just as important as foreplay is the period of time immediately following the sex, afterplay. Afterplay reinforces how a woman feels about the sexual experience and will have a great impact on how she responds to her lover in the future.

5. Make Her Feel Important, Women also need to feel important to their lover. Take an active interest in who she is as a person and what goes on in her life. Ignite your woman’s passion by making her feel special, cherished and adored.

6. Value and Respect For sex to be at its best, most women need to feel valued and respected by their lover. Her desire and level of satisfaction will grow deeper. She will want her lover more frequently and be more motivated to meet his sexual needs as well.

7. Listen Women are more attracted to a man who listens to her and actually hears her. Being heard makes her feel important and valued, thereby increasing her feelings of intimacy with her lover and encouraging her to be free and uninhibited in her lovemaking. Her level of satisfaction is enhanced and her desire for her lover increased.

8. Show Her Your Passion & Desire A woman wants to be wanted passionately. She wants to see your deep desire for her and feel how much you want her. Pursue her passionately and she will be a wild cat full of desire.

9. Take Your Time The path to orgasm is just as fulfilling as the orgasm itself and the path is also important for enhancing her orgasmic experience. Take the long meandering road, savoring, pampering and adoring every part of her body along the way.

10. Be a Master of Oral The majority of women cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse. Taking pleasure in delighting your woman orally is by far one of the most enjoyable ways for her to be satisfied.

Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex advisor/educator and writer specializing in sexual intimacy and keeping the fire alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, “Smoldering Embers-Hot Erotic Stories and Sex Tips to Light a Couple’s Fire. Services, Books and a FREE Monthly EZine can be found at her website. http://www.smolderingembers.com/ or send any email to this address to subscribe to the FREE Newsletter smolderingembers-subscribe@topica.com

“Reprinted from Zongoo.com Daily Press & Consumer Information”

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I often hear this question in my counseling practice. The answer is fairly complex. There are two different reasons that people have for wanting to get married:

1. To get love, validation, security and safety.

2. To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually.

People who feel insecure and alone are likely to look for someone who will fill the inner emptiness and give them the love they are seeking. They want to find someone who will complete them and make them feel adequate and worthy. The problem is that no one can do this for another person – it is something we each need to learn to do for ourselves. Since we are always attracted to people who are at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, a person looking to get love will attract a person also looking to get love. Each person hopes to get filled from the other, not realizing that each feels empty and really has nothing to give. Therefore, no one is the right person when the intent of getting married is to get love and security rather than to share love and learning.

Instead of asking the question, “Is this the right person for me?” why not ask, “Am I being the right person?” Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?

The main reason that many relationships don’t work out is because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from the other person. But when a person does not know how to love and validate themselves and create an inner sense of safety and security, they certainly can’t do this for another person. Yet this is what each person expects of the other. It’s like trying to get water from a rock. What do you have to give when you feel empty within and want to get filled through another’s love?

It is actually fairly easy to know if this is the right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share love. A person who comes from a full place within finds it easy to discern when someone is empty inside, and will not be attracted to the empty person. A person who is truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love.

Knowing if this is the right person for you does not happen instantly. It takes months to discover whether or not a person is who they say they are. You cannot really know who a person is until you have conflict and find out what this person does in conflict. Some people can appear very open and loving until a conflict comes up and then they get angry, withdraw, resist or comply, closing down rather than staying open to learning about themselves and the other person. An important question is, how does this person deal with conflict and how long does it take them to open up if they do close in the face of conflict?

Since none of us enter relationships fully healed, it is very important to know that your partner is willing to explore conflict rather than just protect against it with controlling behavior. Conflict occurs in all relationships, and if both people are not open to learning about themselves and each other within the conflict, the unresolved conflicts will eventually destroy the relationship.

If you are a person who is open to learning and wants a relationship in order to share love, there are three essential ingredients that need to be present for the person to be the right person for you:

1. There needs to be a basic spark of attraction. If you do not feel physically attracted to this person within the first six months of the relationship, the chances are this attraction will not develop. It does not need to be instant, but it does need to be there at some point.

2. Both of you need to be capable of caring, compassion, and empathy – to be a giver rather than just a taker. If this person just wants what they want and doesn’t care about what you want, they are not the right person for you. If you just want what you want and you don’t care about what the other person wants or feels, you are not ready for a relationship.

3. Both people need to be open to learning in conflict rather than just wanting to win and be right. If both people are open to learning in conflict, conflicts will be resolved in loving ways, but power struggles will result if one or both of you are intent on controlling and winning.

Other ingredients, such as common interests and values, are also important, but without the above three ingredients, they will not sustain the relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”, “Healing Your Aloneness”,”Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course:

http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

“Reprinted from Zongoo.com Daily Press & Consumer Information”

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Using online personals does not seem to be a daunting task. This is why most people don’t get any results out of it – everything seems to be so simple, just post a profile and start dating!

Yeah right. You’ve tried it. Does not work!

Want to know WHY?

Here are top eight mistakes all people make when dating online. Check out if you are guilty of some of them.

MISTAKE #1 “Giving it a try”

Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to get the results you want. BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.

MISTAKE #2 Hoping “the right person will find you”

Most people don’t pay when post their profiles online, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if pay for premium membership and write to people yourself. BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.

MISTAKE #3 Sending one-liners

It’s amazing how many people send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant (hard to think what could it be , then they will also just delete your email. BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.

MISTAKE #4 Sending form letters

I always know when I receive a form letter – always! I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special! BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.

MISTAKE #5 Writing boring letters

Many people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear. The result: letters that are plain BORING. Remember: it is not about YOU – it is about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) – tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having a great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! >From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading until the end. BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you would like to receive.

MISTAKE #6 Contacting dozens of members at once

Once people pay for their premium membership, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is right for you. Do you really want to correspond with 20 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like the most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people. BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.

MISTAKE #7 Not following up

Let’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested. BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems preventing your contact.

MISTAKE #8 Giving up

You’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “It just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. (What? You don’t have a photo in your profile?? Get one NOW) Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Might be you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat a search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!! BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Welon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She manages online personals site www.Match-Seeker.com – 100% free online personals. Post your profile and write to other members at no charge.
Meet new people at http://www.Match-Seeker.com today!

“Reprinted from Zongoo.com Daily Press & Consumer Information“

Free dating sites are the best ways to connect thousands of singles online for love and relationship without charging money from members. If you are not a Native American woman, you can found a husband online easily. To find a single American man or woman, you should be ready to prepare yourself a profile to promote it to the world of singles. Thousands or millions of worldwide singles will view your ad and contact you if you attract them. They do not send you any message if they dislike your personal ad. Making sure that you create a nice ad so that you will get contacts from others. You can change or edit your profile at anytime. Posting a picture or two pictures on your profile is a big plus.

Join free American dating sites to seek for a date. (use Google or Yahoo search engines) post a profile with photos on it. When I joined one free dating service, I got a few messages from local guys who want to contact me. Online American dating service is fun and convenient. You do not travel anywhere to seek a date. A date is right in your computer that you need to find from there. When viewing from any free dating site, I can see millions of singles are there. So, I am not the only one who are single looking for a love online. There are many of them waiting online for the true love. You just type to find a date. You do not need to speak a word out to look for a love on net. You type instead of talk for seeking a date on the Internet.

American singles dating online for free means that we do not cost anything for using the service. This convenient world brings us all together on one site to meet with each other. Love is great when you find it online because you will be surprised to find it on net. There is no other easy way to find a date like this. You do not say anything until you chat online. You do not say anything until you meet that special someone in person. Online love and relationship is just like that and you can see how easy it is. Thousands of American singles have found their soul mates at totally free online dating web sites. You can find your other half easily online. You should take your action now by visiting these free dating sites to find your dream mate today.

The guys I met at the bars are cool guys. They talked real sweet too. But they were not faithful to the true relationship. They just wanted to have a short term date for a few nights. I do not like this type of date because what I have been looking for is a lifetime partner to build a happy family. I prefer a long term date that may leads to a relationship and marriage later on. Single American guys at the bars are not like that. Most of them do not like to have a long term companion. So, I quit going to the clubs a few years ago. It was not just me but my female friends do not go to the nightclubs to seek for a date.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Is Loneliness?

There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?

* A feeling of having no common bond with the people around you
* Feeling disconnected from others
* Feeling sad because there is no one else available to be with you
* Feeling uncomfortable being by yourself
* Feeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about you
* Being without friends or a companion
* Feeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with you
* Feeling abandoned
* Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
* Feeling left out
* Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself

You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.

By Mary Ellen Copeland, Ph.D.

Explore millions of life stories & experiences, including your own.

People feel lonely for a number of reasons, such as not having enough friends, not knowing how to be close to the people you know, or not being accepted by those you try to befriend.
 Everyone experiences loneliness. Some humans are more socially accepted. Some who try to be social remain socially rejected, and some have difficulty even trying.

a.    Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. We’re particularly prone to loneliness when we’re making transitions, especially for the better. If you’re changing, such as exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you’re bound to get a little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts. There is no guarantee however, that you will be successful at forming new relationships.

b. Call or get together with the people you know, even if they aren’t who you want to be with right now. Human contact makes more contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter. Listen more than talk. Listening, and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself. Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.

c.    Get involved in anything where you will meet people. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online (obviously it’s better if it’s not). Look on places like Craig’s List or Backpage for activities in your area. Volunteering can help. But don’t attend functions with the idea of making friends or meeting people. Being too demanding is a sign of loneliness. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever, and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens.

d.    Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships whenever you can. You ask the person if they want to chat, get a coffee, whatever. Remember how much you like it when people are attracted to you. Remember though, that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person’s life. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process, and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.

e.    Take risks about revealing yourself. Say what’s on your mind, if it seems at all likely the other person will be receptive. It can hurt when it backfires, but it’s worth it a million times over if it works.

f.    Remember that we are all alone inside our heads; we are born and die alone; it’s nothing special. Every person who has ever lived has been lonely. Love wouldn’t exist without loneliness to inspire it. Look at your loneliness with detachment.

g.    Notice the difference between loneliness and solitude. Imagine this is the last day you will ever be alone. What would you do?

h.    Join an online community. Sometimes it can help. If you’re willing to help others as well as being helped yourself, check out the free Phone Buddies peer counseling community.

i.    When feeling lonely, don’t allow yourself to wallow in your loneliness. Do something, anything! Take a walk, ride your bike.

j.    Do everything you would normally do with a partner or friend. Many times it isn’t the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Don’t hold yourself back.

Authors: Margaret Diehl, Lisa Brooks, Ben Rubenstein, Jack H, jason, AspiringSquire, John, Mountain Dewand others